norgacs1.28

Is it not fine for me to gaze longingly at your thumb muscles?
I know how you got them.
I know how you got them.
I really know how you got them.
Don't be depressed.
It is very unnatural.
How did you get them?

norgacs1.27

I got a bit of a feathery face yesterday.
Some people thought it was rather grand.
Others thought it was a bit too arrogant.
Either way, it helped me understand the true meaning of Fiscal Policy.
I am mad though.
Fiscal Policy has ruined my chances of being a professional wrestler.
I already had a name sorted out.
I can't remember it though.
Something to do with several undefined layers on Photoshop.
Don't tempt me.
I will call the police.
I will press charges.
And most of all, I will iron your favourite shirt.

norgacs1.26

When I look at you I feel like a lifeless sock.
One with a severe hole in the heel.
One that would irritate your foot if your wore it whilst running.
I would rather go and find a friend and put them on a lead.
At least then I would feel like more than just a sleazy goat.
Don't get me wrong.
I enjoy the company of goats.
They have a beatutiful complexion and can give an amazing back rub.
But that's not what I want in life.
I want to glisten in the sun like a wet mushroom.
I want sound like a new compact disk player.
I want to smell like organic compost with fresh avocado on top.
That's actually not vey comical.
Just go and comb your hair.
Keep the lice in a jar.
They could come in handy.

norgacs1.25

Don't cry for me Christchurch.
Just take some of that sexy curry powder that we bought at the supermarket today and sprinkle it on your face.
Then adjust your glasses so that they are on a slight angle.
People will then take you seriously.
It's a fact.
Like how death kills you.
Just ask that Pawnbroker we took your toenails to last week.
What a moist moment that was.
I drunk a whole 600ml bottle of mineral water while I watched you.
I was so quenched by the end.
Let's go collect lint.

norgacs1.24

Eat my delicious grains.
100 percent Protein drink.
I grew them for you.
My sandwiches murdered millions just to feed you cucumbers.
One grain for every million.
Do me like you would do the Pope.
All just for one person with Red Chuck Taylor size 7 Men's sneakers.
I have a really sore jaw.
Literally.

norgacs1.23

I recently noticed that your nose was curled to one side.
Awkward.
That's kind of like wearing a Swastika.
All over your face.
Doesn't go down well with the Homies.
Inappropriate?
Maybe.
Obease?
Only if you break a chair when you sit on it.
Feed it peanuts if you have some.

norgacs1.22

Oh my God!
I am an Apple pie!
Not my whole self though.
I am still multi-cultural.
I woke up and my face was soft soft pastry.
Where is the apple filling?
There is none.
It is just soft pastry.
Eat the soft pastry.
Just take small bites.
It's not that soft is it?
It's burnt.
Oh my Satan!
It's burnt.
Kill it!
Kill the burnt face.
I am a burns victim.

norgacs1.21

Ah.
I'm scared.
Ah.
Ah.
I'm scared.
Stop.
Bring it back now.
Ah.
It's too late.
It's too late.
Ah.
Bring it back now.
Freeeeeeeeeeeze frame.
More than two e's in the middle.
Freeze.
Frame.
Frame.
What?

norgacs1.20

Never go out with a computer technician.
They are such stud muffins.
How is your self esteem?
He wasn't vomiting at you.
He was vomiting with you.
You weren't even vomiting?
The truth is this.
You are repulsive.
Yuck.
Even more yuck.
Just give up.
It's for the best.

norgacs1.19

I don't understand.
What gives you the right to violate my foot area while I lay sleeping?
What gives you the right to cut each of my toes off one by one?
Obviously you assumed that I would appreciate such an act?
I did.
Thank you.
I especially appreciated the fact that you sewed my little toes to your eyelids.
You didn't expect my DNA to penetrate your body.
When our DNA combined we produced a super human being.
Michael Phelps.
I am half of him.
Worship me.

norgacs1.18

We should do this.
You and I.
Together.
We would look really attractive.
I wouldn't normally suggest such an amazing thing to you but we are desparate.
We want to be popular with our peers.
We should remove our eyeballs and replace them with Won Tons.
Frankly, if we don't do this the only other option is to become transvestites.
Midget ones though.
Imagine how hard that would be.
We would have to have names like Sweet-Sweet Love-Tree or Left-Shoe-On Wrong-Foot.
Think about it.
What sounds better?
First African American President?
First Woman President?
or first President with Won Ton eyes?
I believe you will make the right decision for both of us.

norgacs1.17

Yes.
Is what I said when you asked if I wanted to touch your hand.
I wouldn't usually touch your severed hand but on that day it was covered with a glove.
The glove was green.
Green for go and catch AIDS.
I love AIDS so I touched your green gloved hand.
The feeling was kind of nice but not really nice.
I got sensual feelings in my toes.
Then my toes turned into hoes.
The hoes charged three hundred dollars a night.
Pretty reasonable considering the fact that they had all graduated from Otago Polytech.

norgacs1.16

It was dark.
You wanted to have a bonding session with me.
We cut our nose hairs together, sharing the same pair of sissors.
We joint them together with "Easy Bond" glue.
I said that I liked your hat.
You told me a beautiful tale. A dogs tail.
You said it was made in Taiwan but you bought it in France.
While you were in France buying your hat, something wonderful happened.
Your face turned into 35 liters of Crude oil.
Your favourite cousin took it to the market and sold it for three dollars.
Together you bought a Turkish kebab.
You both got an enjoyable dose of food poisoning.
You vomited into metal buckets and carried them all the way home.

norgacs1.15

I may as well be your pet goldfish.
We could take strolls in the park together.
You would tie cotton around my fish tail and drag me along the ground behind you.
When we got home I would have to have a warm Milo.
I would feel quite sore from all the dragging.
By dragging I mean dressing in drag.
I wouldn't mind though.
We could do that at least 9 days a week.
Yes that's right. 9 days.

norgacs1.14

Thanks for last night.
I can't believe it has been ten years.
Father and son, happily married.
I have nothing intelligent to write.
Crap.
Loosing my touch.
I will just leave this writing here.
I wasn't going to.
What a massive failure.
Cream cakes will have to be eaten.
Along with Chinese athletes and cheerleaders.

norgacs1.13

I am not sorry that I stroaked your dead thigh.
You seemed offended.
How was I supposed to know that it was not yet marinated.
Anyway, who even likes barbeque marinade?
Surely not dolphins.
Dolphins are your only friends.
Keep them happy.
Soon they will be in government.

norgacs1.12

The male had reserved words for me.
He thought about letting me out of my cage.
A metaphorical cage.
I was in real-time.
He was just really needing to pass urine.

norgacs1.11

The dirty, filthy jokes seem to be looking at me.
Looking into my eyes.
Deep.
Searching for something.
My soul?
They want something.
Laughter?
No.
Just the other half of my cheese bread roll.

norgacs1.10

The roses that grew on the girl's cheek never really liked white wine much.
They prefered making stained glass sculptures together whilst breathing fresh air.

norgacs1.9

I loved the way you glanced at that small piece of oxygen.
I have never seen such raw courage in one's eyes.
I heard you were shy though.
Shy people aren't too good at breathing carbon dioxide.
Once they do they bleed beads of white sugar.
Pretty gross actually.

norgacs1.8

The smell of music crept into the lonely room.
Roses.
She thought it must have been rock music.
She never knew dogs could run so fast though.

norgacs1.7

So as I was saying, I like to stroke the right side of my face with banana peel.
Not fresh though.
Three days and two hours old banana skin that has been praying for at least two thirds of that time.
It's nice.
Leaves my skin rough, jagged and bleeding.
Perfect for spreading on toast.

norgacs1.6

My woodpecker decided to peck at his knee for a while.
I was shocked.
Jesus the son of God, was amused.
He took his bra off and joined in.
Soon others in the town also joined in.
What a joyous event.

norgacs1.5

Avoid looking as those beings in the eye.
They have fat content.
Infact, they have high fat content.
High fat content content combined with extremely good looks is the catalyst for all good wars.

norgacs1.4

We sat together for a little while.
She picked the skin from her foot and ate it with gentle pleasure.
She offered me some.
I was already enjoying a nice ripe apple so I declined.
Apparently the skin was a good source of Omega 3 nutrients.
I said I would try some next month.
She stroaked my face with her skin picking hand.
It made my apple taste foul.
We wept together.

norgacs1.3

She thought she was intelligent.
Bought some Tegal Spicy Chicken Nibbles.
What a dick.
She burnt her tounge.
Lets all pray.

norgacs1.2

The giant gash bled white vinegar.
No one had seen such a wild gash before. Not once did it stop eating.
I never liked peppermint leaves very much.

norgacs1.1

They decided that pink coloured cucumbers would have been the best dietry supplements for the warts on the left and right fingers of the girl's body.
They then decided against this as the cucumbers would have been too sweet for her ears.