norgacs1.24

Eat my delicious grains.
100 percent Protein drink.
I grew them for you.
My sandwiches murdered millions just to feed you cucumbers.
One grain for every million.
Do me like you would do the Pope.
All just for one person with Red Chuck Taylor size 7 Men's sneakers.
I have a really sore jaw.
Literally.

norgacs1.23

I recently noticed that your nose was curled to one side.
Awkward.
That's kind of like wearing a Swastika.
All over your face.
Doesn't go down well with the Homies.
Inappropriate?
Maybe.
Obease?
Only if you break a chair when you sit on it.
Feed it peanuts if you have some.

norgacs1.22

Oh my God!
I am an Apple pie!
Not my whole self though.
I am still multi-cultural.
I woke up and my face was soft soft pastry.
Where is the apple filling?
There is none.
It is just soft pastry.
Eat the soft pastry.
Just take small bites.
It's not that soft is it?
It's burnt.
Oh my Satan!
It's burnt.
Kill it!
Kill the burnt face.
I am a burns victim.

norgacs1.21

Ah.
I'm scared.
Ah.
Ah.
I'm scared.
Stop.
Bring it back now.
Ah.
It's too late.
It's too late.
Ah.
Bring it back now.
Freeeeeeeeeeeze frame.
More than two e's in the middle.
Freeze.
Frame.
Frame.
What?

norgacs1.20

Never go out with a computer technician.
They are such stud muffins.
How is your self esteem?
He wasn't vomiting at you.
He was vomiting with you.
You weren't even vomiting?
The truth is this.
You are repulsive.
Yuck.
Even more yuck.
Just give up.
It's for the best.

norgacs1.19

I don't understand.
What gives you the right to violate my foot area while I lay sleeping?
What gives you the right to cut each of my toes off one by one?
Obviously you assumed that I would appreciate such an act?
I did.
Thank you.
I especially appreciated the fact that you sewed my little toes to your eyelids.
You didn't expect my DNA to penetrate your body.
When our DNA combined we produced a super human being.
Michael Phelps.
I am half of him.
Worship me.

norgacs1.18

We should do this.
You and I.
Together.
We would look really attractive.
I wouldn't normally suggest such an amazing thing to you but we are desparate.
We want to be popular with our peers.
We should remove our eyeballs and replace them with Won Tons.
Frankly, if we don't do this the only other option is to become transvestites.
Midget ones though.
Imagine how hard that would be.
We would have to have names like Sweet-Sweet Love-Tree or Left-Shoe-On Wrong-Foot.
Think about it.
What sounds better?
First African American President?
First Woman President?
or first President with Won Ton eyes?
I believe you will make the right decision for both of us.

norgacs1.17

Yes.
Is what I said when you asked if I wanted to touch your hand.
I wouldn't usually touch your severed hand but on that day it was covered with a glove.
The glove was green.
Green for go and catch AIDS.
I love AIDS so I touched your green gloved hand.
The feeling was kind of nice but not really nice.
I got sensual feelings in my toes.
Then my toes turned into hoes.
The hoes charged three hundred dollars a night.
Pretty reasonable considering the fact that they had all graduated from Otago Polytech.

norgacs1.16

It was dark.
You wanted to have a bonding session with me.
We cut our nose hairs together, sharing the same pair of sissors.
We joint them together with "Easy Bond" glue.
I said that I liked your hat.
You told me a beautiful tale. A dogs tail.
You said it was made in Taiwan but you bought it in France.
While you were in France buying your hat, something wonderful happened.
Your face turned into 35 liters of Crude oil.
Your favourite cousin took it to the market and sold it for three dollars.
Together you bought a Turkish kebab.
You both got an enjoyable dose of food poisoning.
You vomited into metal buckets and carried them all the way home.

norgacs1.15

I may as well be your pet goldfish.
We could take strolls in the park together.
You would tie cotton around my fish tail and drag me along the ground behind you.
When we got home I would have to have a warm Milo.
I would feel quite sore from all the dragging.
By dragging I mean dressing in drag.
I wouldn't mind though.
We could do that at least 9 days a week.
Yes that's right. 9 days.

norgacs1.14

Thanks for last night.
I can't believe it has been ten years.
Father and son, happily married.
I have nothing intelligent to write.
Crap.
Loosing my touch.
I will just leave this writing here.
I wasn't going to.
What a massive failure.
Cream cakes will have to be eaten.
Along with Chinese athletes and cheerleaders.

norgacs1.13

I am not sorry that I stroaked your dead thigh.
You seemed offended.
How was I supposed to know that it was not yet marinated.
Anyway, who even likes barbeque marinade?
Surely not dolphins.
Dolphins are your only friends.
Keep them happy.
Soon they will be in government.